Jessie Springer
by Anime Starling
Summary: My first attempt at humor, a team rocket member is hosting a talk show? Read and review


Jessie Springer!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, no duh!  
  
A/N: This is a parody of Jerry Springer. Jessie from Team Rocket is the host!   
It starts backstage  
  
*In her Dressing Room*  
Jessie: Is my hair okay?  
Hair Lady: It's big, and over moused...  
Jessie: Perfect!  
*The Stage Manager comes in*  
Stage Manager: Hey. Ms. Springer, you go on in 3 minutes!   
Jessie: Just a minute. Let's see if I'm camera fit. How's my makeup?  
Stage Manager: It's caked on high.  
Jessie: And my hair?  
Stage Manager: Blocking the lights.  
Jessie: How about my nails?  
Stage Manager: Looks overdone.  
Jessie: And my shoes?  
Stage Manager: Very cheap.  
Jessie: Like my outfit?  
Stage Manager: You could pass as a clown!  
Jessie: Good!  
Stage Manager: Now let's go!  
Jessie: Fine, I'll just get my microphone.  
*Jessie grabs her microphone*  
Jessie: Let's go!  
*She get's on the stage, right before the starting theme song begins*  
Jessie: Hello. This is my first show and our guests today are anyone who have problems!  
Audience: YAY!!!!!  
Jessie: Alright, let's get to it! Our first guest today is a little girl who needs to tell her boyfriend something.  
Audience: OOOOHHH!!!  
Jessie: Come on out!  
*A girl who is blond, with purple eyes, and looks about 10 comes out*  
Jessie: So *reads her card* Deedee? What do you want to tell your boyfriend?  
Deedee: Ditto!  
Jessie: What?!  
Deedee: Ditto!  
Jessie: Come again?  
Deedee: Ditto, Ditto!  
Jessie: Are you a Ditto!?  
Deedee: *Nods* Ditto.  
Jessie: Uhh, Let me get a very good Pokemon translator. Come out!  
*Meowth comes from a back door, and is next to Jessie*  
Audience: Wow! A Meowth.  
Meowth: That's right!  
Jessie: Meowth translate that girl over there. *points to Deedee* She's really a Ditto!  
Meowth: A Ditto?!  
Jessie: Yes, now start translating!  
Meowth: Okay.  
Jessie: Now "Deedee", or Ditto, How were you able to talk with your boyfriend?  
Deedee: Ditto, Ditto Dit-to!  
Meowth: She says she pretended to be deaf. And she knew some sign language.  
Jessie: Okay. Now Deedee, how long have you two dated?  
Deedee: Ditto, Ditto.   
Meowth: She says, that they been together for 1 year  
Audience: OOOOHHHHH!!!  
Jessie: How do you think your boyfriend will react?  
Deedee: Ditto, to.  
Meowth: She says that, she hopes her boyfriend won't overeact!  
Jessie: Well Deedee, your boyfriend is backstage. And you will tell him your secret.  
*A brown haired guy who looks 11 years old, comes out*  
Jessie: Your name is Brock, right?  
Brock: Right.  
Jessie: Hey, wait! Aren't you one of those twerps that me and my partner tried to rob!?  
Brock: Hey! You're from Team Rocket!!!  
Jessie: Not anymore! The "Author" made me have a talk show and now I'm Jessie Springer!  
Brock: Your last name isn't Springer!  
Jessie: The Author legally changed my name! *mutters* bastard. Well, your girl Deedee has something to tell you. Go ahead Deedee.  
*Deedee makes some hand signs*  
Brock: You're keeping a secret?  
*Deedee makes more hand signs*  
Brock: And you hope I don't over react?  
Jessie: Just tell him Deedee!  
Deedee: Ditto.  
Brock: Holy crap! You can talk?!  
Deedee: Ditto!  
Jessie: Brock, your girlfriend Deedee is really a Ditto!  
Brock: WHAT!?!  
Deedee: Ditto, Ditto!  
Jessie & Brock: Wha?!  
Meowth: She said, she's sorry but she wanted to be with ya' Brock.  
Deedee: Ditto, Ditto, Dit, Ditto Ditto.  
Meowth: She says, If you loved her when you knew she wasn't a Pokemon, why is now different. She's still the same nice, smart "gal".  
Audience: YEAH! *The audience claps*  
Brock: She's a POKEMON! I'm a HUMAN and a TRAINER!!! I happen to TRAIN things like HER!!!  
Deedee: Dit, Ditto? Ditto, Ditto.  
Meowth: She says, Dosen't true love conquer all? And if you can't accept her she'll leave.  
Jessie: What will it be Brock?  
Brock: Well....... She was the only girl I loved, and furthermore she was pretty good in the sack!  
Jessie: You SLEPT with her!?!?!  
Brock: Hey! She looked cute!!!  
Jessie: Well, this show is going up in censor!  
Deedee: Ditto, To, Dit!  
Meowth: Well what's it gonna be Brock?!  
Brock: *Thinking* Oh... What the hell! I'm staying with Deedee!  
Audience: YAAAAAYYYYY!!!   
*The audience claps*  
Jessie: O-kay, I guess that's a happy ending!  
Meowth: Can I stay for the rest of the show?  
Jessie: Fine! Now our next guest has a secret to tell his friends. Okay, come on out!  
*A boy comes out*  
Jessie: Alright, your name is... Tracey!?   
Tracey: Yes.  
Jessie: What kind of name is Tracey!? You're a BOY!  
Tracey: Well, that's just my name!  
Jessie: Fine! Now what's you're secret?  
Tracey: I wanna tell my friends that..... that- I'm GAY!  
Audience: *GASP!*  
Jessie: Eeewwwww... And to think, I use to try and rob your Pokemon!  
Tracey: You are supposed to be a 'supportive' host!  
Jessie: Fine, your friends Ash & Misty are here. Let's bring 'em out!  
*Ash and Misty come out and sit next to Tracey*  
Tracey: Umm... Ash, Misty I have something to tell you. I hope you don't treat me differently after I tell you this. I'm GAY!  
Ash & Misty: YOU'RE GAY!?!?!?  
Misty: Oh God!!!  
Ash: I can't believe it!!!!!  
Jessie: I'm shocked too. But he says he wants you to still be his friends. So what will it be?  
Misty: You're actually GAY, Tracey?!   
Tracey: Why else would I have this name?!  
Ash: Uhhh, Tracey I hope you don't get any ideas about you..... and me..... together...  
Tracey: Don't worry, Ash. I don't like you 'cause you'll never be anything in life!  
Ash: WHAT!? *Ash stands up and strikes a pose* I'm a going to be the WORLD'S GREATEST POKEMON MASTER!!!  
Jessie: You're gonna be the World's Greatest Pokemon Bastard?!  
Ash: NO!!! World's Greatest Pokemon MASTER!!!!!  
Jessie: Oh, sorry. Uhh... I guess the microphones are busted, hehehe!  
*Some guards come and adjust the microphones.*  
Tracey: Anyway, Hey! that guards cute! Umm... so you guys will still be my friends?  
Ash: As long as you don't think Gay Ass thoughts about me!  
Jessie: Don't worry! You're an ugly twerp!  
Misty: Yeah, and as long as you tell no one else.  
Jessie: If the Censors see my show they'll have one hell of a job! Sheesh! This show's Censor is going up every minute!  
Meowth: At least so are your ratings!  
Jessie: Yeah, for sick people!   
Meowth: Or, people looking fer cheap laughs!  
Jessie: Cheap!? *looks at Meowth, but goes on* So that's the end of that?  
Ash: Guess so.  
Jessie: Then get the hell off the stage, you jerks!!!  
Ash: Fine!!!  
*Ash, Misty and Tracey walk off.*  
Jessie: Time for commercials! We'll be right back! I always wanted to say that!  
  
****************  
(Commercials)  
  
*The first commercial shows a Wigglytuff is on a swing*  
Wigglytuff: Wiggly, Wigglytuff. (I'm so hungry)  
*A trainer's voice is heard*  
Trainer: Wigglytuff! Oh Wigglytuff!  
Wigglytuff: Tuff? (Wha?)  
*A trainer runs to his Wigglytuff and gives the Wigglytuff something*  
Trainer: Here Wiggly! The best Pokemon food in the market!  
Wigglytuff: Wigg-ly? (You mean?)  
Trainer: Yes! *turns to the camera* Pokenutri! The nutricious Pokemon food. Now available in 10 new flavors; spiceherbs, pizza, fish, chicken, taco, steak, chowder, spaghetti, and lemonade!  
Anouncer: Now available in Poke Centers, everywhere! For a nutricious and delicious snack, try Pokenutri! Remember the name, Pokenutri!  
  
*The second commercial starts and it takes place in an empty Pokemon Gym.*  
Voice: I shall Pokebattle you and win!  
Other Voice: Let us begin and see who shall come out victorious!  
*The two people come out of the shadows to reveal, Ash and Gary*  
Ash: Go, Bulbasaur!  
Gary: Nidoking, Go!   
*They Pokebattle for half an hour. Finally it comes down to one Pokemon each*  
Ash: Pikachu, I choose you!  
Gary: I choose you, Arcanine!  
Ash: Pikachu, Thunder shock!  
Gary: Arcanine, Fire Blast!  
*Finally after 10 minutes it looks like Pikachu is about to lose...*  
Gary: HA! It's over Ash!  
Final Voice: It's not over yet! Here Ash!  
*A hand tosses Ash a bottle of Poke Cola!*  
Ash: Here Pikachu! Drink up!  
*Ash throws Pikachu the Poke Cola, and after Pikachu is done he looks as good as new!*  
Gary: No! Not, Poke Cola!  
Ash: Pikachu finish it off with, THUNDER!!!  
*Pikachu zaps Arcanine, and Ash wins!*   
Ash: I won! And I couldn't have done it without Pikachu and of course... POKE COLA!!! *pulls out a cool bottle*  
Announcer: For a refreshing, energetic drink try Poke Cola! Now sold wherever Pokemon are sold!   
  
(A/N: Don't worry, I didn't steal this comercial! Read; Poke Cola! By Anime Fan.   
He actually made a fic about this!^_^)  
****************  
  
Audience: JESSIE! JESSIE! JESSIE! JESSIE! JESSIE!  
Meowth: ...And to think, I thought that 'Tracey' guy was straight!  
Jessie: You never know, the wackiest wacko's can be under your nose...Oh! Welcome back! Our guests today have secrets to confess!  
Audience: Ooooooohhhhhhh!!!  
Meowth: So you finally thought up a title for your first show! How?  
Jessie: It just came to me, all these people have the "I gotta tell you my secret" thing in common! Now, our last guest is Gary Oak.  
*Gary comes on stage.*  
Jessie: So, what's going on?  
Gary: I'm cheating with my girlfriend.  
Jessie: With who?  
Gary: None of your beeswax!  
Jessie: I'm the host! I need to know these things!  
Gary: Fine. It's one of my cheerleaders!  
Audience: Ooohhh...  
Jessie: Who's your girlfriend?  
Gary: Well, It's one of my cheerleaders!  
Audience: Oooooohhh...  
Jessie: So you're cheating on one of your cheerleaders, with one of your other cheerleaders?  
Gary: Yes!  
Audience: Oooooohhh...  
Jessie: Can you give me names?  
Gary: No! Aren't they on your little card?  
Jessie: No! I was told that you'd have the information, because your girlfriend wouldn't tell me or my producer!  
Gary: Maybe I don't wanna tell you their names!  
Jessie: Fine, you stupid kid!!! I'll call your 'girlfriend' cheerleader 1, and the one your cheating with; Cheerleader 2!  
Gary: Ha! And they let *you* have a show!  
Jessie: Now first let's bring your girlfriend out! Come out- uhh, cheerleader 1!  
*Cheerleader 1 comes out*  
Meowth: Hahahaha!!! A cheerleader named Cheerleader 1, now I've seen everything!  
Cheerleader 1: Ha! A talking Meowth, now *I've* seen everything!  
Jessie: Okay, Cheerleader 1, your boyfriend has something to tell you. Go ahead twerp!  
Gary: Hey! Fine, listen baby I gotta come clean, I've been cheating on ya!  
Cheerleader 1: WHAT!? You cheated on me! With who!?  
Gary: Umm, remember that Brunett in your group picture, standing below you?   
Cheerleader 1: Yeah... You were cheating with her!  
Gary: NO! The girl standing next to her, to your left!  
Cheerleader 1: Oh. That's better. Wait! Your still cheating on me!  
Jessie: Yes, and we have her backstage! Come on out... the person who's cheating with that twerp!  
Meowth: Also known as cheerleader 2!  
*Cheerleader 2 comes out*  
Cheerleader 1: You cheating hoe!   
Cheerleader 2: I'd rather be a cheating hoe, than a slut!  
Cheerleader 1: You're a slut!  
Cheerleader 2: Then, why do I have your man?!  
Cheerleader 1: For that very reason!  
Jessie: Because she's a slut?  
Cheerleader 1: You bet!   
Audience: YEAH!!!!!  
Cheerleader 2: I'm not a-  
Audience: SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT!!!!!  
Cheerleader 2: WHAT!?!  
Jessie: I think they said that you were a-  
Cheerleader 2: I KNOW WHAT THEY SAID!!!  
Jessie: Yeah, well you were saying 'What'! Also keep your dirty language down to PG13! The Censors are having a field day!  
Gary: *speaks to Cheerleader 1* Oh come, baby I love you, but-  
Audience: BBBOOOOOOO!!!  
Gary: QUIET! *Ahem* I love you, BUT you are always too busy thinking of new cheers, to pay attention to me! And I found love elsewhere.  
Cheerleader 1: THOSE CHEERS WERE FOR YOU!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS...!  
Cheerleader 2: Because your a HOE!!!  
Audience: Ooooooohhhhh!!!  
Cheerleader 2: Shut up!!!  
Gary: Uhh, would it help if I said something?  
Cheerleader 1: What could you possibly tell me, that would make this better!  
Gary: Sorry?  
Cheerleader 1: SORRY!?!?! Well I'm gonna dump you, then QUIT ON MY CHEERLEADER JOB!!!!!  
Gary: Dump me!? QUIT!? Wait a minute! Baby, dump me if you want but just don't quit! PLEASE!! YOU'RE MY BEST CHEERLEADER AND YOU WORK FOR FREE!!! WHY!? WHY!?!  
Cheerleader 1: Well, I guess I'm (sarcastically) SOR-RY!  
Jessie: Wow, and it only took 8 seconds to throw it in his face! I guess that's another   
Happy Ending!  
Gary: Happy Ending!?! My girlfriend is gone! My best cheerleader QUIT!! And I'm stuck with HER! *points to Cheerleader 2*   
Cheerleader 2: HEY!!!!!!  
Gary: "Hey" what!? You may be good in bed, but your not the prettiest cheerleader!  
Jessie: The twerp's got a point! You know you can go backstage and try some of *my* make-up!  
Cheerleader 2: FINE!!!  
*Cheerleader 2 leaves*  
Jessie: Well, I guess that's it!  
Meowth: No way! We still got 15 minutes in da show!  
Jessie: We do? *Jessie checks her watch* Can't I ask Audience questions!?   
Meowth: That would take only 5 minutes!  
Jessie: Well, can't I do my damn final thought?!   
Meowth: Even if ya did, you would still have 10 minutes left!  
Jessie: Hey I know! I'll entertain the audience for 10 minutes by singing!  
Meowth: SING?! Uhh, I don't think you should sing...  
Jessie: WHY!?! Don't I sing GOOD!?!?!?  
Meowth: What I wouldn't give, to get this moment interrupted!  
*Suddenly a caped figure comes down from the ceiling*  
Jessie: WHAT THE!?!  
Meowth: Heh, that'll do!  
Caped Person: You forgot to invite me to the show! *I* have a secret to tell my friends also!  
Jessie: What?! Who are you?  
Meowth: Yeah! And who are these "friends" you gotta tell the secret! They must be nimrods, HAH!  
Caped Person: I'm actually...  
*The 'Caped Person' takes off his disguise to reveal- JAMES!*  
Audience: GASP!  
Jessie: *gasp!* JAMES! You gotta a secret to tell?!  
James: Yes Jessie, Meowth I have to tell 'you' something!  
Audience OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!  
Jessie: What?!  
James: I'm..... BISEXUAL!!!  
Jessie: YOU ARE!?!?!?!?!?  
Meowth: YOU ARE!?!?!?!?  
James: Yes!  
Jessie: I can't believe this! My own partner- a freak!  
James: Either accept me as I am, or I'll qiut Team Rocket.  
Jessie: YOU WILL NOT QUIT JAMES I REFUSE TO BE FRIENDS WITH A QUITTER!!! AND YOU BETTER NOT BRING UP THAT FREAKY SUBJECT AGAIN!!!!!  
James: Does that mean that you accept me?  
Jessie: We-e-e-e-e-ll, O-kay freak.  
James: How about you Meowth, do YOU accept me?  
Meowth: YOU'RE A FREAK!!! I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH FREAKS!!!!! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT, I'LL NEVER ACCEPT IT!!!!!  
Jessie: *her head grows twice as big* YOU'LL ACCEPT IT, AND LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!  
Meowth: *looks scared* Okay, I'll accept it! *mutters* but I won't like it!  
James: I'm so glad! Uhh, Jessie you wanna go out sometime!  
Jessie: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
James: *meekly* Nothing...  
Jessie: Now, I'll ask audience questions.  
*Everyone is sitting on stage. Jessie brings her microphone to a man*  
Person 1: First, your show is great Jessie even if it's your first show! My question is for you! Jessie wanna go out?  
Brock: Jessie got asked out!?  
James: Hey! She's mine!  
*Suddenly everyone started talking at once. That ended up in a big fight*  
Jessie: THAT'S IT! EVERYONE OUT OF MY SET!!!!!  
*Suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing*  
Gary: Huh?  
Jessie: I said; GO HAVE A TIME OUT, BACKSTAGE!  
*Everyone goes backstage in shock*  
Jessie: No more Audience questions!  
Audience: Awwwwww...  
Jessie: Hey, let's just take a breather and hope that my guests haven't killed each other, after I bring them out!  
*Five minutes later*  
Jessie: Got any 5's  
Meowth: Go fish!  
Jessie: Darnit! *takes a card from the deck*  
Meowth: Got any 3's..... *checks his watch* Hey Jessie, it's time for yer final thought!: Oh yeah, almost forgot!  
*Jessie throws the cards away. All the guests come out looking calm again and they sit down*  
Ash: Hey! I was gonna ask backstage but... aren't you James, from Team Rocket!  
James: Uh, yeah...  
Tracey: What are you on this show for?  
Gary: Yeah, what for?!  
James: I'm a... bisexual!  
Brock: YUCK!!!  
Audience: HAHAHAHAHA!!!  
*Suddenly Cheerleader 2 comes out*  
Brock: Who is 'that'?  
Meowth: We call her "Cheerleader 2"!  
Misty: You look like a whore!  
Cheerleader 2: Green isn't my color at all!  
Tracey: Maybe it's my color!  
*Gary and Brock look at him weirdly*  
Ash & Misty: DON'T ASK!  
Gary: Whatever!  
Brock: I don't even wanna ask!  
*Gary sees Deedee*  
Gary: You look cute! What's your name?  
Deedee: Ditto!  
Gary: Ditto? Isn't that a Pokemon name?  
Brock: This girl *is* a Ditto! And she's *my* girlfriend!  
Gary: A DITTO?!? I'm gonna be sick!  
*Ash, Misty, Tracey, and the Cheerleaders look at Brock weirdly*  
Brock: Don't ask!  
Ash: I sure won't!  
Misty: You're dating A POKEMON!?  
Tracey: YUCK!  
Brock: At least I'm not acting gay or something!  
Tracey: I *AM* GAY!!!  
Brock: WHAT!?!  
Misty: It's true!  
Tracey: THAT'S WHY I WAS ON THIS DAMN SHOW!  
Gary: I wanna get outta here, soon! So, shut up freaks!  
Everyone: YOU SHUT UP TWERP!!!  
Gary: HEY I AIN'T NO TWERP!  
Deedee: DITTO! (STOP!)  
Cheerleader 2: You're ALL MAJOR FREAKS!!! Except Gary!  
Cheerleader 1: AT LEAST WE'RE NOT LIKE YOU!  
Cheerleader 2: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!  
Cheerleader 1: YOU'RE A SLUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cheerleader 2: WHAT?!?!?!?!  
Audience: SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT!!!!!!  
Brock: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
James (teasing): *to Cheerleader 2* You're a slut! You're a slut!  
*At this point EVERYONE is arguing- AGAIN!!!*  
Jessie: SHUT UP!!! ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!  
*Everyone is quiet*  
Jessie: Now, here's my final thought; Today was my first show, and I got many weirdos! I heard things I never knew. And I heard things I never wanted to know! *looks at James* What have I learned from this?  
Audience: WHAT?  
Guests: WHAT?  
Meowth: WHAT?  
Jessie: *looks at Cheerleader 2* Green really 'isn't' your color!  
Cheerleader 2: I KNEW IT!!! WWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
*Everyone sweatdrops*  
Jessie: Until next time! Bye!!!  
*Jessie and Meowth waves and the end song is playing.*  
  
The End  
************************************************************************  
Hope you liked this! And I hope I haven't offended 'Tracey fans' or 'James fans'! Please review. Oh yeah I might make a sequel but I need at least good reviews for a sequel. 


End file.
